i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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