If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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