So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
