If that was your dad, he is hot
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
