Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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