anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
