i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
