Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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