Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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