Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
