I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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