I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
