Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
