Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
