He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
