Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
