i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
