i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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