I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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