I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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