Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
