brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
