While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
