so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize