I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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