I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
