Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I want to be your penis for a week.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
