The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
