I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
