Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
