I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
