I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
