Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
