I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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