I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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