I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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