dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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