You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
don't judge my taste in strippers
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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