Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I want a musical about memes.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
