Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You just made me feel so damn special
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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