help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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