Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
