Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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