seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
