Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
