You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
