do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
