so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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