Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
