these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
