I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I had to cum in my sink.
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