New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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