these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
