You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Panties = found
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