I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
