At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
