just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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