New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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