No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
