I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
