I cockslap morals
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
