new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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