Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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