You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
worst night to have a conscience
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
