What a fucking waste of an outfit
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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